


Know you won't tell what I said

by Ex-Genesis (orphan_account)



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-02
Updated: 2010-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This adult life isn't exactly what he'd call a happy one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Know you won't tell what I said

He's the thing you miss the most about your old life. Having people listen to your music, listen to you, think you're something great - it was all wonderful, but knowing that he'd always be there to call after a show, or even right by your side during the concert was the best part. You're an accountant now. You're not sure how you got here but it happened somewhere in college after you realized that English didn't give you the right kind of challenge, and music is sort of mathematical in a way, so you turned to it and it fit you. Fit you all the way up to the point that you work for a major company as the leading accountant.  
  
Joe got married a year ago and you weren't sure you could make it to the wedding but you did. Not only that, but you threw him the best bachelor party you could. Still, you haven't talked to him as much since this whole turning-into-a-real-adult thing happened. He got a life that didn't involve you and your dog, and your music.  
  
You've got friends now, and a girlfriend that is off-and-on, currently off which is probably why you're thinking about him. She'll come back though, when she's done fucking the new guy at her job. You found out after the second time you two got together, that she didn't want to get married, which suits you because for some reason you're still waiting, like he might ever leave those two kids you adore who call you uncle in brief chats over the phone.  
  
You're just careful not to get her pregnant, and she's so careful you sometimes wonder if she wouldn't just get an abortion if it happened anyway. You think you'd care, but... you're not in love with her, and you don't want to be glued to her. Sure, you pray that she'll just be there forever, even if she's busy screwing another guy, just so you won't be alone when you die. A baby though... You'd have to pretend. You couldn't have a kid and not act like she meant everything to you.  
  
And Joe would probably make more of an effort to come around. He's a big family man like that. He'd see it as some sort of enlightenment, fate to make you guys best friends again. You don't think that would be okay. You don't think you could see him for more than a few hours on a random visit without kissing him or something stupid like that, like telling him he's the only thing you've ever wanted. He  _is_  the only thing you've ever wanted, that you haven't gone after, because he's the one thing you shouldn't get. He might be in love with his wife. You made an effort not to pay attention, so you don't actually know, but you know he'd die, be tortured for his kids, so you're not going to take him away from them, not even if you could.  
  
You thumb through your phone because all of this thinking is getting to you and maybe you could just call him. Instead you delete his number, and Kevin's and mom and dad's and everyone who might have his number to share. You don't know any of them by heart and soon what's left is your life where you use pencils and calculators and computers and you don't see many faces while in your office, and then there's your life-companion or whatever she calls you when she's rolling her eyes at your relationship. There's her friends who put their numbers in your phone for when you needed to find her because you're worried she got drunk off her ass and won't be able to find her. And there's your new friends who only resemble the kind of friendship you felt when you were younger.  
  
You're okay here. You're okay. You're not happy, but... you're not dead either.


End file.
